Obsessive Compulsive Disorder- OCD. Three little words that seem to rule my life with overwhelming power. OCD has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. For so long I thought it was 'normal' for your brain to be constantly full of a never ending stream of thoughts and worries.
OCD is an anxiety related condition where a person experiences frequent intrusive obsessional thoughts which are often followed by repetitive compulsions or impulses.
An obsession is an unwanted and unpleasant thought, image or urge that repeatedly enters your mind, causing feelings of anxiety, disgust or unease. A compulsion is a repetitive behaviour, action or mental act that you feel you need to carry out in an attempt to relieve the unpleasant feelings brought on by the obsessive thought.
OCD affects as many as 12 in every 1000 people (1.2% of the population). 50% of cases fall into the severe category, with less than a quarter being classed as mild cases. The symptoms of OCD can significantly interfere with the ability to function on a day-to-day basis as they are incredibly difficult to ignore.
Every person with OCD is affected differently and has different symptoms, so each person has a different story to tell. Here is how OCD affects me.
I have a range of complusions caused by OCD (some more distressing than others) and they all impact my daily life in their own way.
• Counting up to ten in multiples of two repeatedly in my head.
• Dermatillomania (Skin picking).
• Everything Organised in Alphabetical Order (Apps, Bookmarks, Lists etc.)
• If I forget to check the time on my phone before I lock it I have to unlock it then lock it again 3 times (just to make sure I've read the time correctly).
• If someone 'tempts fate' I have to 'touch wood' (I can't relax until I do and if I don't it feels like something bad is going to happen).
• Need for constant reassurance (I'm continuously asking for reassurance on the same topic for a sense of 'relief').
• Obsession with even numbers and multiples of five.
• Push the toilet handle three times.
• Rearranging everything in the room if something doesn't 'look right' or isn't in the 'right place' (it makes me very stressed and upset when objects aren’t arranged 'properly').
• Repeating actions three times (counting as I do so).
• Repeating random words and phrases over and over again in my head.
•Rereading a sentence I misread or don't understand three times (it takes me a long time to read something).
My OCD is currently unmanaged so my head is filled with intrusive thoughts for most of the day and my complusions take up an awful lot of my time. It's only when I have an 'OCD Moment' (when my complusions become visible to those around me) that people notice that I'm struggling.
That's one of the problems with OCD; it's an invisible illness. So much is going on inside of your head all the time but your friends and family around you have no way of knowing because from the outside you look fine. It isn't until the obsessions become too much and spill out that people can see what's going on inside your head all the time.
You know that the complusions you do make no sense and that the 'reasoning' behind them is completely illogical but that doesn't make the fear or the anxiety any less real! The OCD part of your mind is just spiralling out of control and you feel completely incapable of stopping it. The intrusive thoughts of OCD feel like they're controlling your life and cause an awful lot of distress!
If you'd like to know what its like inside my mind watch this video. https://themighty.com/video/i-have-ocd-this-is-what-its-like-to-be-in-my-mind-for-3-minutes/ The constant counting and never ending stream of thoughts is just like what I experience. (The only difference is I count different numbers and have different thoughts/worries).
